Managing morning chaos with Emotional Intelligence

Aishwarya is five, and she’s decided one fine morning that she doesn’t like brushing teeth. Aditi,her mother,was awake half the night with the baby and now needs to get Aishwarya  to school ,the baby to daycare, and herself to work before her irritating boss scolds her again for being late. Ohh, and it’s raining.How would you respond in such situation? I guess,there would next be some shouting and tears, and a gloomy day to begin with..Can you see a way to have better beginning to your day? Fortunately, Aditi has been practicing emotional intelligence while Parenting and follows 'EQUIPKIDS' model for applying EQ in day to day life

The model uses 3 steps to apply Emotional Intelligence ...

1)Tune into feelings

2)Understand & Choose feelings

3)Act constructively on the  message behind feelings 

Here’s what might happen when uses EQ: 

Tune into feelings 

Aditi notices she’s tired, annoyed and impatient.she knows her typical pattern when she feels annoyed & impatient is to start nagging & pushing people.Her annoyance is actually telling her that there’s an obstacle to overcome, but she realizes that aishwarya  and not brushing teeth are not the real issues

Understand & Choose feelings

Aditi understands the causes & consequences of her feelings and clearly sees that her old pattern of reacting would lead to a bad experience for her and the kids. While she’s short on time and exhausted, she has been practicing optimism, so she is certain that she has other options.but now she has become more open & curious about her feelings & knows how to solve the problem by using message behind feelings.

Act constructively on the emotional message

Aditi tries to tune into her feelings to accurately understand the emotional message, and realizes that for Aishwarya,not brushing  isn’t the real issue and wonders if Aishwarya  is scared about going to school today.She plans to settle this issue by talking out to Aishwarya at some other optimal time, but before that wants to give Emotional first- aid for the more urgent issue at hand of ‘Not wanting to brush the teeth’.She remembers a saying that  “Parents are the role model for their children” Now she thinks about the emotional lesson she would ideally like her daughter to learn. Aha! She has the solution now ... she knows her daughter is always eager to win in games .. so puts a clock in front of her and puts up a challenge ..”Let’s  see who wins ? You or the clock ? The challenge is if the minute hand reaches at 8 before you finish brushing the clock wins or else you win !! When put on the competing  mode, suddenly Aishwarya switches her gear and starts brushing though hurriedly but on her own keeping an eye on the clock ...and guess what Aishwarya wins the challenge not knowing that she has learned to brush on her own without nagging & pushing !! So cheers! The whole episode takes under three minutes, and they leave the house happily. Remember, I don’t claim that there is one solution that will fit for all of our kids.The point is that by following these three steps, Aditi shifted out of her old pattern and was able to think of something new and creative. You might also be thinking, Aditi’s little moment of EQ is incredibly difficult.But it’s possible.If you follow the three step process it becomes much easier to break our old patterns and find that change in ourselves. Can you imagine doing that yourself?

By-

Dr. Sandeep Kelkar.

Pediatrician & EQ consultant.